When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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