This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
