I've blown a few things in my day
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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