So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize