I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
