Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
