Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
