It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
