i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
