i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
