you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
