you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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