i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
