i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
