If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
