I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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