Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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