My liver just broke up with me...
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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