Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
