shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
