vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
