speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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