No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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