You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
