So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
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