I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
