I'm so fucking centered right now
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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