I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
