I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
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