The maid of honor just puked.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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