Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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