I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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