Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
