I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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