Sry I called you an 8
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
