whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
