You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
