Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
