I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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