Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
