There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
