I wanna passion pit in your ass
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
