It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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