i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
