ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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