she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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