dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
