Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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