He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
