I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
