Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
