So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I want to fling myself into the sun
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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