I want to have your abortion
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
