He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
