I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
