I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
