can u get pink eye on your cock?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
