theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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