So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
