hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
