Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
