One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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