i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
