who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
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