She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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