i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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