I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
